Question and Answer:
I feel especially ashamed of my fantasy for cuckold and hotwife. Am I just a pervert?
Certified Sex Therapist David Ley (I don’t agree with everything he says but his perspective is worth understanding) talks about how he helped a client who was going on his third divorce because he kept trying to force his wife into this fantasy. Cuckold fantasy is one of the strongest fantasies for males because deep in the sub-conscious our body and brain know we have to compete for our mate and it brings about a strong orgasm. There’s also some power dynamics involved that fuel the fantasy. Don’t shame yourself for the fantasy. There are also powerful attachment issues in play with this fantasy.
Fantasies can be great, as long as they are kept as fantasy. If your fantasy is leading you to act out with masturbation or porn in ways that go against your values. Or if you are pressuring your partner to participate in the fantasy with you against their will, then you are crossing boundaries into narcissim and behavior that can lead to addiction. You can get help if you are caught up in this behavior.
Rob Terry is a therapist for clients in Utah and coach for clients outside of Utah and across the globe. He specializes in sex addiction recovery for individuals and couples. He integrates the CSAT, OCSB, and Minwalla models for individual recovery and Gottman Method, RLT, and ERCEM for couples recovery. He is betrayal trauma informed. His therapy modalities are IFS, ACT, CBT, EMDR, and Attachment Theory.